討論區主頁 網友談天室 寬恕是對自己的仁慈 | 無發表權 |
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知音訪客 | 發表時間: 2006-11-16 12:40 |
寬恕是對自己的仁慈 I have been a reader of this forum since 2004 and I really appreciate all you guys' dedication in promoting folk songs and live music. I did come to your recent folk concert at the Victoria Park and I just found that was fantasic! All familiar faces here, without asking for reward, tried their best to make this concert a very successful one. Bravo!
However, after reading some recent posts , it appears that some friends have entered into endless arguments on some minor issues. Although I may not know the stories inside, I would like to share a little story with all folk song lovers here. (Smile) 曾經碰過一個讓人覺得哭笑不得的婚姻個案。先生和太太都是誠懇又平凡的市場商販,求助的問題則使人忍不住感歎「怎麼會有人這樣?」 丈夫的困擾是:二十多年來,太太完全不準他回家看父母,也不讓孩子看祖父母,跟婆家完全鬧翻了。那還不打緊,太太每日照三餐對他叨念婆婆家過去的罪行,重複再重複也不厭倦,有時半夜心血來潮,還會把丈夫叫醒來叨念一番,丈夫已二十年未曾睡好覺、吃好飯。 這位太太是一位「長男的媳婦」,向來勤儉持家,做牛做馬。婆家到底有多麼對不起太太呢?對不起是一定有的,但聽來都是一些很小的事情,比如說:兄弟姊妹間曾合夥做生意,錢分得不公平,所以太太一直記得先生的大姐積欠她一整年的豆腐錢,「豆腐三十三塊,豆腐乾十五塊、豆腐皮十塊錢」,說好要給她的,但一直都沒有還,太太銘記在心,每天都在腦中重撥了一次算盤,竟沒有一天能忘。 還有,婆家並沒有好好地幫太太坐月,使她備覺委屈,這也是後來她不肯讓孩子認祖父母的理由:生出來的時候你們都沒有好好照顧我,憑什麼養大了之後要讓他們來認你?是她的邏輯。 先生早期處理得也不得當。太太一抱怨先生的家人,先生基於孝道,就先把她打一頓再說,後來發現「打了還是繼續念」,終於不敵,轉而變成一個受害者。以前他打她,現在她念他,好像也是挺公平的。 然而,她已經五十多歲了,在一個多小時的訪談過程中,提起的舊恨依然是豆腐乾與坐月子,聽久了讓我覺得很荒謬。連我都快把她的豆腐價錢背起來了,她卻一而再、再而三的咬牙切齒,陳述著自己的怨恨。 其實,年過半百的這一代婦女,幾乎有百分之九十九,都走過婆家與先生的許多個對不起,她的遭遇,絕對不是最悲慘的,一大早走進公園裡訪問正在跳舞或練氣功的人們,你一定可以找到不少命運比她壞幾倍的女人。 其他更苦命的人可以在事過境遷後開開心心過自己的日子,而她卻不能,問題在哪裡呢?在她一波又一波的泣訴下,頭皮開始發麻的我只有一個結論,那就是:她的怨恨多年來一直累積,並沒有因為口頭的發洩而宣洩,她的記憶能力和生命力一樣堅強,已成了打不死的蟑螂。 有時覺得,記恨能力很像基因遺傳,有些人天生健忘,什麼國仇家恨都無所謂,有些人就是喜歡此恨綿綿無絕期。 這位太太說到後來,還把自己的關節炎以及靜脈曲張所帶來的疼痛,算進公婆沒有好好幫她坐月子的帳裡。 她的恨意像細菌,在她的擴張解釋中分裂生殖,威力無可抵擋。 生活圈子不大的人,眼界不寬,記恨能力也會特別強。 古人說,前事不忘,後事之師。記取經驗和教訓是好習慣,但可不要光記恨而已。因為記恨是划不來的。恨比愛花力氣,沒有投資回報率,還會讓周遭的人喘不過氣,愛會生愛,而恨會生恨,這是不變的道理。 這些年來,她為恨所花的力氣,必然超過夫家欠她的豆腐錢了吧。恨,那麼花力氣傷身體。 寬恕是一個被嚴重傷害的人,能夠送給自己的最寶貴的禮物。 什麼是寬恕?寬恕不是忘記對方的錯,也不等於赦免。不是告訴自己,對方沒有錯。是拒絕他的繼續傷害,絕不表示他還可以傷害你。 不是自責。也不等於跟對方和好。只是放棄以生氣來折磨自己,不再對憤怒說:歡迎再度光臨,不想再把往後歲月葬送給不美好的記憶。這才是寬恕。學會寬恕,最受益的還是自己。 美國史丹福大學曾經開設過一個學習諒解的課程,近三百名成年人發現,上完課後,他們的精神壓力減輕了,莫名其妙的頭痛和腸胃不適都不再侵襲自己。 |
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whitehorse | 發表時間: 2006-11-16 13:58 |
青韻典堂級民歌好友 註冊日: 2003-12-13 來自: 八十年代的青韻民歌組 發表數: 2030 |
Re: 寬恕是對自己的仁慈 多謝ahcat的分享,憎恨別人,對自已是十分痛苦的事,就等如懲罰自己,倒不如退一步,海闊天空,等自己開心快樂地活着咪仲好!
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sonar | 發表時間: 2006-11-16 14:07 |
青韻是我家! 註冊日: 2005-05-04 來自: Maldives 發表數: 664 |
Re: 寬恕是對自己的仁慈 yeah.
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阿添 | 發表時間: 2006-11-16 14:16 |
網站管理員 註冊日: 2003-12-08 來自: 錦上路 發表數: 4326 |
Re: 寬恕是對自己的仁慈 引文:
Yeah... Thanks for your sharing. Regarding the topic, I have a good book to recommend: - 引文:
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capofc | 發表時間: 2006-11-16 14:39 |
青韻典堂級民歌好友 註冊日: 2004-02-26 來自: Central 發表數: 1081 |
Re: 寬恕是對自己的仁慈 Dear Ah Cat,
Thanks for your writing, it really reflected the situation happened recently. During my school days, the most boring subject was religious studies and even I was pushed to attend so many religious functions but I still have no religious background now. However, one thing I learn from this boring subject is the word “FORGIVENESS”. No doubt, being a man living in this commercial city Hong Kong, we are inevitably to face with so many cunning persons, bad guys and some people with so many hidden agenda. However, after knowing this group of folk lovers for more than 2 years and working with them in some occasions, I would say most of them are good guys without any evil intention. They are the people to support folk music (or different kinds of music) and the related activities or make friends. They don’t have any intention attack each other. Anyway, as Whitehorse’s saying , hatred will only make you living unhappy, please sit back and think about clearly it is worth to make yourself unhappy when you hate somebody. As the folkers, we always use music and song to spread out the spirit of peace. The spirit to forgive is the most critical issue to make our world peace!! Cheers on a happy day!! Frankie(Capo) |
siyuen | 發表時間: 2006-11-16 14:44 |
已經開始識到一些青韻民歌好友。 註冊日: 2004-01-11 來自: 發表數: 28 |
Re: 寬恕是對自己的仁慈 To love is to forgive.
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知音訪客 | 發表時間: 2006-11-16 16:31 |
Re: 寬恕是對自己的仁慈 I'm surprised to receive so many responses for this topic. Thank whitehorse, sonar, Tim, capofc and siyuen!
Especially, I appreciate your effort on promoting folk songs to young people and serving those disadvantaged minorities with music. Looking forward to seeing you holding more meaningful music activiites soon. Work harder Ching Wan friends! Together you will be the best! 引文:
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capofc | 發表時間: 2006-11-16 16:48 |
青韻典堂級民歌好友 註冊日: 2004-02-26 來自: Central 發表數: 1081 |
Re: 寬恕是對自己的仁慈 Hi Ah Cat, Have we met before? Anyway, thanks for your writing which led us to discuss what is love, peace, happiness, forgiveness, etc... My heart is filled with joy now!!!
Cheers, Frankie(Capo) |
mel | 發表時間: 2006-11-16 18:24 |
青韻是我家! 註冊日: 2004-06-08 來自: 發表數: 453 |
Re: 寬恕是對自己的仁慈 寬恕是對自己的仁慈!
各位好朋友,有咩誤會,我請飲酒,你地輸啲鋤大2給我,一於一團和氣啦! mel ps. what the world needed now, is love sweet love..... just like forgive, forget, and try again.....
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DD_Chan | 發表時間: 2006-11-16 18:32 |
開始0係青韻的常客喇。 註冊日: 2003-12-23 來自: 發表數: 171 |
Re: 寬恕是對自己的仁慈 Most of the main theme of the Folk songs are related to love, peace, happiness, forgiveness.... too.
DD_Chan |
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